Of Heroes and Villains
by Charles Lehmann - Minamorti
Summary: What is truly good? What is really evil? Who's to say, when there's so many sides to the story? Finn must discover the truth, if he's to stop the mysterious organization, "The Seven Ages of Man," as he starts on his greatest Adventure of his young life!
1. The Birth of a Hero

Disclaimer: I do not own Adventure Time with Finn and Jake. I am merely a fan who wishes to further spread the popularity of the series by writing this fanfiction. If any authority, whether governmental or otherwise, chooses to select this story as a case of plagiarism, let it be known it was for nonprofit and that I did not exploit Pen Ward's creation for self-profit.

Adventure Time with Finn and Jake

Episode 0: Of Heroes and Villains

Prologue: The Birth of a Hero

The stamp of hooves echoed throughout the mountainside and down to the valley forest, far below the mountain side's winding road. Sweat poured off the frightened white horses, only to be immediately washed away by the hard rain of the thunder storm; the flash of lightning and subsequent thunder blinded the coachman and startled the horses, but with the crack of his whip and fierce tugging of the reins, the coachman managed to push the horses back farther from the steep edge, closer to the mountain side, which served as a comforting if harshly solid wall compared to the sheer drop of the edge.

Behind him, the coachman could hear the sounds of the menacing figures on black horseback, and tried to ignore the fact that they were becoming louder by the second. He raised his whip again and tried to get even more speed from the already fatigued horses, and began to wish he had joined the Revolution when he had the chance.

Inside the coach's cabin, four people sat in anxious silence. All four knew the gravity of the situation, and just how unlikely it was that they'd see the morning sun. To make things worse, they knew that if they didn't make it out of the mountain range before the figures caught up to them, that the their efforts and those of the late royalty would have been in vain. They had to make it to the closest kingdom. They just had to.

The coach, as it made a sharp turn around the mountains' many curved roads, hit a large stone in the road and jostled the passengers to and fro. The baby, which had been asleep in its exhausted mother's arms until that point, awoke and began to cry for all its little lungs were worth. The mother, her eyes still blood-shot and fresh with tears, did her best to soothe her child, rocking the swaddled babe in her arms while singing an old lullaby.

_Hush little darling, _

_Don't say a word,_

_Mama's going to buy you a silver bird._

_And if that silver bird doesn't shine, Mama's going buy you a pretty rhine._

_And if that pretty rhine doesn't sparkle, Mama's going get you a enchanted pickle._

_And if that enchanted pickle doesn't glow, Mama's going to get you red Bordeaux._

The baby, however, refused to stop crying and, if anything, raised its volume up another decibel. The Marauder bodyguard who sat next to the women and child, his bristling battle armor over his traditional deer pelts and cyborg left arm, grunted roguishly and leaned on the wall of his side of the coach, watching mountain sidewall disappear from behind them. It wouldn't take long for the dark figures to catch up to them, and when they did, he'd probably be the first to be killed. And to think that, in just a short forty-eight hours he would have met his pension and been free of all the dangers encountered by bodyguards in this place of sharp edges and knives.

The woman's husband, who sat across from his wife, glared across the coach at their less than enthusiastic bodyguard but said nothing. Reaching his hand out across the coach, the woman's husband placed his hand on her shoulder, which tugged her attention from the baby for a brief moment and brought their eyes to one another. No words were said, but then there was no need for them; their eyes spoke more profoundly than words ever could.

The wife, tired in a way she had never felt before, brushed her husband's hand aside and shook her head. Now was not the time. A small, sad smile graced her face for but a moment, before she turned her attention back to her golden-haired child.

Withholding a sigh, the husband returned his hand to his side, and turned to the Hero beside him. The man, dressed in the typical army garb of a Captain of the Iron Kingdom Guard and partly caked in mud, had already drawn his customary broadsword and drumming his fingers on its grip, his eyes staring into the same, cold, dark future that awaited them all. Curiously, though, the man didn't seem all that worried. He wasn't anxious, as he, the Earl of the Iron Kingdom was; he wasn't frightened, as the Countess was; he wasn't even depressed, like the Marauder. He seemed to be completely and utterly emotionless.

The Earl knew that, just before the King has been captured and dragged through the city streets to meet his maker that his Royal Highness had taken the man aside for a whispered conversation. At the end of it, the Hero had seemed most distressed and confused, but had nevertheless managed to find a route of escape for the lot of them, and had even held off the mob and the Duke's Mercenary friends with the last of the Royal Guard, from which he got his present attire. With his own eyes, the Earl had seen this man fight like a wild beast and here now the same man seemed to be devoid of emotion.

Despite himself and the situation, the Earl couldn't help but wonder what those last few words between the Hero and the King had been, and just how much was in store for the future. The Earl knew that those final words had been more important than the King's own safety; if the King hadn't stopped the Hero in mid-retreat for that exchange, the King may has still fled the Iron Kingdom with his life.

"Surely the conversation could have been put off to a later time?" the Earl thought. "Maybe…"

The Earl was ripped from his thoughts with the sound of something hard and fast hitting the back of the coach, right behind the Earl and Hero. The Earl and Hero both pulled their heads from their headrests and turned to see, in just the nick of time, two iron arrow heads jutting in the exact same places where their heads had been not two seconds before. More arrow heads began burst through the coach's back wall, to the horror of the Countess, who began to scream alongside her child.

"Sir," said the Hero to the Earl, seemingly recovering from his near-death experience without as much as a second thought, his face a serene ocean in the face of their impending deaths that made the Earl admire even more, "Please silence your wife and child. It'll break my concentration if I have to listen to those two make such a fuss."

The Hero then turned to the Marauder and said in a voice of refined honey, "Mr. Marauder. Are you handy with a bow and arrow? Or perhaps with a crossbow?"

The Marauder, also startled by the sudden onslaught, flinched at this sudden and polite address. His eyes wild with shock, he said, "N-not really, no. I'm more a 'mess people and their stuff up' kinda guy." To match his point, the Marauder drew the smoked-black mace he had been wearing at his side up to that point.

"Pity," said the Hero without a drop of emotion, before he dropped his attention to the space between his seat and the coach's floor. His hands blindly searched for the item in question for a moment or two, but within ten seconds the Hero pulled out from under his seat what had to be the most wretched crossbow known to man.

All bright, metal gears and black wood, the thing had more than enough slots to insert the bolts, and several grips to stock up on bolts. There was even a latch, from which the Hero pulled out an slim, emergency dagger, for when the enemy drew too close to properly fire. This he handed to the Earl.

"Use it on those who would harm you, the Countess or child. This world has more than enough Heroes, but only so many Second Chances," explained the Hero to the surprised Earl, before standing up and opening the side door to the coach.

Sticking his body part way out of the coach to the mountainside, the crossbow in his left hand, the Hero turned and looked out to the back of the coach at the approaching dark riders through the hissing spray of the frigid rain. One of them had gotten close enough to the coach that he was able to slow his horse to pace with them, while still being within firing range of the coach and not holding his fellow riders behind. His hands off the reins entirely, the Mercenary had pulled out a crossbow of his own and had been locked his attention on hitting the coach with more bolts than needles on a pincushion.

Unfortunately for the Mercenary, however, this meant that the only thing keeping the Mercenary on his horse's saddle was his feet's grip on the stirrup and the rope attached to the Mercenary's waist and the saddle. With the Mercenary's arms holding and aiming the crossbow and his attention partly diverted to the attack, this meant that the Mercenary didn't have his full attention on staying on his moving horse, or his general surroundings in general. Not only that, but in order to get his crossbow into position, the Mercenary was leaning ever so to the right, towards the mountainside wall. Good news for the Hero, though

Though his face was hidden by a ceramic mask with a less than pleasant grin, the Comedy Mercenary was clearly surprised that someone had partly exited the coach. Shifting his weight even farther to the right to get a better shot at the Hero, the Mercenary fired two bolts at the exposed Hero's head and chest. Ducking out of the path of both bolts with inhuman ease, the Hero himself aimed, rather unsteadily, one-handedly and effortlessly hit the leaning Mercenary directly in the throat. Another bolt got his horse in shoulder.

The combination of set both stricken beings on a spiraling fall downward, the Mercenary falling to his left and the horse on its rider. By simple momentum, the two still went forward for a few agonizingly painful moments before coming to a complete standstill, their limbs and bodies tangled up together.

To the notice of the Hero, the other Mercenaries seemed little affected by their fallen comrade and with brief gestures to their rides, their horses jumped over the two bodies and continued following the coach and its riders.

"Damn, and here I thought that would at least hold them up for a while," said the Hero, gritting his teeth. Just then, he felt the entire coach violently jerk to the side, and draw so close to the wall that the Hero was forced back into the Coach entirely so as to keep his nose on his face. The Earl bent over for a moment, to make sure that he was okay, but the Hero simply smacked the concerned hand away and stood up. He waited for a minute for the coach to correct its distance to the wall before sticking his head and torso out the door again, his attention to the coach driver this time.

"Hey, buddy! Watch where you're going next time!" said the Hero before realizing that the coach driver would never watch or see anything ever again. The last two bolts the Mercenary had fired had struck the poor driver in the back, one through his lungs and the other directly severing his spine. The horses, sensing of the lack of a driver but aware of the advancing threat, were running double time, slowly pulling the coach to the left and towards the steep valley ravine below.

The Hero pulled his head back into the coach and asked, with a grim smile and a twitching eye, "Does anyone of you know how to drive horses?" To his immediate but unsurprised disappointment, all three shook their heads.

"Just my luck," said the Hero, before he pulled himself completely out of the coach and climbed to the roof of the coach. Moving himself to the driver seat, he gently pushed the coach driver off of the coach and grabbed hold of the reins. Behind him, the rough splat of the body hitting the ground at high speeds reminded him of the increasing danger, as the Hero stared in despair as he looked from the reins to the horses then back to the reins.

Squashing his doubt with a terrible sigh, the Hero wordlessly tugged on the reins and dragged them to the right, ushering the horses forward as they rounded another curve. A bolt of lightning crashed overhead and it began to hail; the storm was getting worse. The Hero cursed what gods may be for their neglect but otherwise continued on.

Behind the coach, despite their loss in numbers and their growing annoyance, the Mercenaries were getting ever closer. In the lead was a Mercenary with a blank mask; directly after him was the Comedy's former companion, Tragedy; and last but certainly not least was a simple, black hooded rider, who filled the Hero with the sort of unspeakable dread that the Villain's personal Assassin receives.

Reaching out and past the Blank Mercenary, Tragedy drew closer to the coach. Drawing a sword from a black leather scabbard on his back, Tragedy took an expert left-handed swing and hit the Coach on its left side, just inches from the back wheel. Inside, much to his surprise, the Earl flinched as the blade cut through into the cabin space and lightly grazed his left leg, cutting through his clothes and leaving a long but skin deep cut. Outside, the Hero felt the strike and looking back, took a shot at Tragedy, who saw the returning fire and pulled back to a safe distance before the Hero could take the shot.

Despite knowing that he was leaving them wide open for another attack, the Hero returned to his post as coach driver. There was little alternative, between the uncertain chances of the four dying on the road as a cause of the Mercenaries and the all too certain chances of dying on the road due to falling off the mountain side.

Thankfully, just then, a hearty voice greeted him with, "Oi! You need a hand, Hero?" It was the Marauder, in all of his amiable, unwashed, alcoholic glory.

Turning his head so he could partially look at the Marauder and the road at the same time, the Hero said, "Why, only if you have one to spare! I know that cowardly hiding in the coach while a human does all the work can be so _exhausting_ for a big, strong man such as you!"

"Hey!" said the Marauder, who like everyone else of his kind wore his heart on his shoulders, "You trying to pick a fight!"

"Oh no! I'm just repeating what those awful Mercenaries said of you! They called you so many terrible names! With words like 'dirty,' 'pig,' and 'mother'! Go reclaim your pride and honor!"

"Damn right I will!" shouted the Marauder, hefting his heavy mace in his meaty fingers. Climbing on the top of the coach, the Marauder stood up and got his bearings with just enough time to catch Tragedy as he approached the back left side of the coach again. Lifting his mace above his head, the Marauder swung the weapon at Tragedy's head just as the Mercenary had gotten within striking distance. It was only with good natural reflexes that the Mercenary dodged the attack, and even then he was nicked on the side of the head and fell back into the pack, clutching his bloody skull.

"Ha! That's what you bastards get for insulting me mum!" roared the Marauder, victory on his tongue and fire in his eyes, as another flash of lightning shot behind him and caught his figure in a overtly dramatic fashion. "Now come here and get what's coming to yah!"

Still clutching the side of his head with one hand, Tragedy complied. Upon reaching the coach again, the Mercenary swung swiftly but bluntly at the Marauder's feet, the path of his blade made obvious due to his head injury. Jumping to dodge the blow, the Marauder made for an overhead blow and came down on Mercenary.

It was too late, however, when the Marauder realized that he had been standing on a moving object when he made the jump: once he moved off the coach, he was no longer moving with it, but rather on his own volition. Not only that, but he was jumping down and attacking a man who had one hand on his head and the other on a sword, riding a speeding horse right next the edge of a sheer mountain side, with only a rickety picket fence separating them all from oblivion. Of course, not all of this ran through the head of the simple-minded but lovable fool; he just realized he'd made a damn fool mistake.

He collided with Tragedy at an excess of forty-five miles an hour, his striking weapon reaching past the Mercenary's head and falling out of his open hands, onto the roadside; instead, his elbows hit Tragedy's with nut-breaking ferocity, who immediately loosened his grip on his sword, which fell down the mountain side.

In spite of his wounds, Tragedy managed to follow his first instinct and fall back again from the danger, and tried to usher his horse with the hand not clutching his hand all the harder now to the right side of the road, back to his teammates. However, since the first instinct of any sensible person when they realize they're close to falling a long way is to reach out and grab the closest thing to them in a mad frenzy, the Marauder's squirming large body and weight made this near impossible. Not only that, but since the first instinct of an domesticated equine when its forced underneath the incredible stress of having been running at top speed for several miles while carrying a heavy rider only to gain a second, even heavier rider is to panic and rear its body like all hell, the three beings became a beast of three backs and zero brains still moving at around forty miles an hour.

The result was that the horse trembled and cantered under the weight of the two fighting riders, before hit the fencing, which broke under the force, and the three fell down the side of the mountain, the two riders still struggling against the other all the way down.

This the Hero watched out of the corner of his eye, the event taking all of ten seconds to occur. Damn! He had been a good soul too, if a rather predictable one.

Turning his mind back to the road, the Hero strained his eyes and tried to look into the distance: the night and the rain made it extremely difficult to tell where he was going and exactly when the next turn would be. If he wasn't careful, the next turn could would their last.

However, there was no sign of it; there was nothing but black, rainy night ahead. The Hero couldn't tell if that meant that there was no turn up head or if it rather terminal bad news. The mountain side wasn't gently curving, always a sign that a turn was coming up. Perhaps there was no turn coming up soon? Well, in that case, that was good news; with all this rain, turning was a laborious and nigh impossible feat. Not only that, but the Mercenaries sounded like they weren't in much of a hurry to resume their attack, given their current losses. In fact, the sound of their horses was slowly fading.

"Perhaps," the Hero thought, "things were starting to go my way-"

Hero's mind stopped. That was it. It was written right into his very essence, his very body and soul of heroism: always trust things to get worse before they get better. And he just thought aloud the general mantra for the very worst jinx of them all: perhaps things will now improve. As the gripping cold of despair and fear took him, the Hero wondered, without much hope, if it only counted if he said the words aloud…

Things came into focus. There was a turn up ahead, but not one that gently curves; not even a sharp curve that comes out of nowhere. This turn was a purely ninety-degree turn, which comes out of the deepest pits of man's fears and paralyzes him to the point of no return. The fixed picket fence was already starting to become visible, in the short distance between the coach and the perfectly symmetrical turn. The roads were wet, the horses were exhausted, and they were going too fast.

Just as they went over the side, the thunder roaring, fencing shattering, the wheels still spinning, the bodies in the cabin being tossed like meat salad, his hands tugging on the reins to force the turn, the Hero had just enough time to think a short thought to himself before he started down into the inky abyss and probable death. Only one, short little thought, nothing complicated or rapturous. No great big philosophy on life and his place in it. Not even a brief curse to his enemies and prayer to those who had lost their lives so far and all those who would lose their lives to come in the future.

But with this one thought, time stood still and observed a man, who had lived a life of pain and suffering and endless regret, who had seen the bodies of friend and foe alike strewn like slaughtered pigs upon the battlefield, who had by his own hand slain lives both guilty and innocent, who could only possibly expect eternal damnation of his own brewing, look Death in the face and be truly unafraid.

This one thought was a name, and that name was "Marceline."

Far above, the two remaining riders, the Mercenary and the Assassin, watched as the coach hit the mountain side and bounce several times, pieces breaking off and bodies flying out, until it came to rest near the bottom, aflame. They sat there, on their jet black horses in their jet black clothes, and watched the thing burn. They sat there for a very long time, in silence. Whatever needed to be said went unsaid, for that was their way.

Only after the rain had quenched the remaining fires did they leave, to report back to the People's Revolution of the Iron Kingdom and its new ruler, the former Duke now Leader of the People's Republic, of the executions of the Earl and the Countess of the former Iron Kingdom; of the regrettable but inevitable death of the Hero Jack, who had fought valiantly against all tyranny he saw; and the kidnapping and disappearance of the Crown Prince of the Iron Kingdom, the last haven for humanity, Your Royal Highness, Lord Justin.


	2. The Ominous Letter

Authors' Note: I'm aware that I didn't turn this chapter in on time with my deadline. I'm also aware I rushed somewhat to turn it on the day after it was due, to avoid as many questions as possible. I may not have too many fans of this yet, but I hope to gain some more with this, the first chapter. To do this, however, my story needs to be good and attention-grabbing. So, if anyone notices any mistakes or wants to give some free constructive criticism, they are more than welcome to it. In fact, for every constructive criticism I receive (which means no "Lols" or "LMAO" or "Great Job! When's the next one due?"), I shall award that person with a cookie, a llama badge, and/or a watch. So be nitpicky and enjoy the chapter!

Disclaimer: I do not own Adventure Time with Finn and Jake. I am merely a fan who wishes to further spread the popularity of the series by writing this fanfiction. If any authority, whether governmental or otherwise, chooses to select this story as a case of plagiarism, let it be known it was for nonprofit and that I did not exploit Pen Ward's creation for self-profit.

Adventure Time with Finn and Jake

Episode 0: Of Heroes and Villains

Chapter 1: The Mystery Letter

Eighteen Years Later

_Adventure Time, come on with your friends,_

_We'll go to very distance lands._

_With Jake the Dog and Finn the Human,_

_The fun will never end._

_Its Adventure Time!_

All was peaceful in Ooo, as the great star Sol gently climbed the endless blue sky, shifting the infinite pale horizon from its rose petal pink hue to a smoldering orange with its golden brilliance. Black, grim night turned to bright, beautiful day as Sol continued its relentless ascent. The cold moon slowly faded from sight, before hiding behind some cottony former rain clouds, while her daughter stars, bejeweled diamonds as always, vanished from sight completely.

As the day began, Ooo took notice: all the plants and animals of the daytime began to rise to greet the day and continue living in the nightmarish reality known as life. The petals of all binaural flowers bloomed wide open to Sol's all-embracing warmth and sexually harassing insects; the grass blades subtly arose in attention, miserably dripping in frigid dew, depressed beyond its years, dreading yet another day where everything above it would trample it with their dirty, uncaring feet; and the leaves of the trees turned on their stems to the east, their branches and trunk itching like mad from all the creepy crawlers that lived upon and in it.

The plants were not alone in their anguish. Even now, as the new day dawned, animals of all size and variety continued the never-ending battle of the claw, tooth, nail and fang: the worms crawled out of the suffocating dampness of the wet soil, only to be plucked up and eaten to the cheery chirping of the ravenous robins; baby ducks happily woke in their nest, whining for food from their mother, who had earlier been eating by a tree snake; and deer galloped over fields and meadows, over the neglected grass and under the tortured trees, prey to any local wolf packs.

Sol shined on these things and more, equally and indiscriminately, unaware of its part in fueling this process of contest known as Mother Nature. Sol's light fell too on a tree house, separated from the nearby forest by a sea of gloomy green grass and older than any other living thing in Ooo itself. Though the house, built into the tree itself, was in less than good condition, it was cared for and loved by its inhabitants and was generally looked after.

As Sol continued to rise, the horizon brightened to a healthy shade of yellow and the sky pale blue, a fragment of Sol's light penetrated through one of the tree's curtained windows and stabbed across the dark, dusty room into the eyes of one of the tree house's inhabitants, Jake the Dog.

At first unaware of the subtle but relentless onslaught, overtime Jake's eyes began to bake under the heat. His eyelids began to twitch erratically as a few tear drops fell to cool his burning, unopened eyes. Jake shifted uncomfortably in his sleep once or twice, trying to resist the hint to awaken, even repeating the time old mantra of late-sleepers, "Just five more minutes, Mommy."

Eventually, Jake threw in the towel and opened his eyes. Lifting himself into a sitting position, he looked across the room to the bed of his best buddy, Finn the Human, who was clearly still asleep. Getting out from his cabinet bed and leaving the room as quietly as possible, Jake climbed downstairs and into the kitchen.

Once there, he made himself a cup of hot coffee, the hefty waft of the soothing drink matched only by its shocking yet smooth bitter taste. He also made himself some toast and butter, and pulled out the ingredients for Finn's daily bowel of cereal. Sitting down at the kitchen table with his plate, he began eating his crunchy meal, all the while taking the occasional glance at the thing in the middle of the table. He tried to keep himself from thinking of it, because it would only make him more nervous, but he couldn't help it.

Wow. Seven years. Seven whole years of knowing each other, and today would be the day that the question would be asked. It seemed only appropriate: after all, it would soon be Princess Bubblegum's coronation into the official position of Queen of the Candy Kingdom, and what better way to enjoy this great news with even more great news? It seemed like the right time, and Jake was sure she was the right girl. Nothing could possibly go wrong… right?

And that was it, really. Jake couldn't be certain how things would go. What if she said no, or that it wasn't the right time in her life, or if there was someone else? The thought that there could be someone else made Jake's fist clench unconsciously, and his head heat up like a supernova.

The sound of the shower water running informed Jake that Finn was up. Trying to keep his temper down, he went back into the bedroom and searched through their shared closest. After finding what he was looking for, a simple but elegant black suit that they had bought at the Formal Dress-Wear Kingdom, which he laid down on Finn's unmade bed, Jake rummaged through their dirty clothes hamper.

It's not as if he was unsure of his ability to commit to the relationship. If anything, Jake had never been more certain of anything in his entire thirty-two years of being a magical dog. He just couldn't stand the thought that she wouldn't return his feelings. He knew for sure that she liked him, a lot. There was no doubt in that. But did she want to spend the rest of their lives with him, for better and for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health? Jake honestly couldn't say.

Finally finding the item at the very bottom of the hamper, Jake pulled it out and wiped it clean of dust. It was a simple black velvet bowtie, custom-made to fit him no matter how much he changed his size or shape. He tried to tie it around his neck, but even with super-stretchy limbs, his dog paws couldn't make it fit the way it should.

The bedroom door opened behind Jake, and a partly nude Finn walked in, body and hair still damp from the shower, a towel tied around his waist.

"Morning, Jake. Need me to tie that for you?" said the eighteen year old boy, twisting a finger in his waxy, wet ear.

"Yeah, do you mind?" asked Jake in a relieved tone.

"Not at all," said Finn, as he took the tie and tried to fit it around Jake's thick neck.

"No, no, no! I have to stop with all this thinking!" thought Jake, as Finn tied the bowtie neatly around his neck with human ease. "I can't doubt myself now! This is the one time in my life where I have to be absolutely certain otherwise it'll never work out!"

Finishing with the tie, Finn pulled his towel off and got to putting on the suit; today was an important day after all, and while he hated wearing the stupid thing, it would make the Princess happy. And if it made Bubblegum happy, then it should make him happy. Jake left the room, still in thought, unaware of anything else.

Though Finn was good at putting ties on, he still had trouble with tightening them. Tugging at his slightly so he could breathe more easily, Jake went to the table again. Finishing his breakfast and first cup, he went for a refill. Sitting back down, he stared at the thing, which had begun staring back at him in a vaguely uncomfortable way.

It was a small box, simple in design. It was colored a deep shade of purple, tied at its four sides with a rainbow of polka dots. On its top, it read in red cursive lettering, "For When the Time Is Right." It had cost him a fortune, but Jake couldn't care less.

So, this was it. The time _was_ right, it had to be. There was no backing out now, not that Jake would ever dream of it. No doubts, no doubts. No distractions. They would only cloud his mind and block out his judgment, which was key to this decision. If he wanted to ask her to take the ultimate adventure with him, he had to be sure.

Then he thought of the way she smiled. No matter how bad he may have looked in the past, after returning home from an adventure, she would always smile and come to his side, asking him how he was and what he did, if he was okay and if she should take a look at this or that wound. And he would always say he had a great time with Finn, and that he was okay and that it would heal on its own. Then he would ask how her week was and how he could make it up to her for missing out on so much alone time together. She would always bat these concerns to the side as if they were nothing, when he knew they meant so much to her.

Blushing at the countless times this happened, Jake lightly pounded the table, shaking the box and cup of coffee on the surface. He knew he had to stop making her worry so much. She was all he had in the world, next to Finn and all of his other friends. She had it all: looks, wit, charm, personality. She had all these fine traits and more. She could make him laugh when he was sad and pull his leash when he got out of hand. She accepted him for who he was, the good and the bad. She was his perfect match, that much he was sure.

Picking up the box from the table, Jake opened its lid and fondly looked at the thing inside. He was uncertain and worried no longer. He called out to the bedroom, saying, "Hey Finn! Hurry it up! We'll be late at this rate!"

"I'm almost done!" responded Finn.

"Just come on out so I can look at you!"

"I look silly!"

"Just do it, you big baby!"

"Fine!"

The door to the bedroom opened and Finn stepped out. His pants' belt untightened, his tie undone and white undershirt not tucked, Finn looked a mess. He was even still wearing his old "Awesome Hat," even though time had slowly shaped his head so that it looked more awkward now than cute. It also clashed with the otherwise uniform black suit, and Jake was not going to pop the question with a disorderly friend.

"How do I look?" asked Finn less than hopefully. Jake raised a questioning eyebrow. Finn laughed nervously, and pulled the suit into proper order. The hat stayed on, however.

"Lose that hat," said Jake, even now aware of the unlikelihood of winning the argument.

Sure enough, Finn said, "No way, man! Anything but the hat."

"Come on! That thing stopped being awesome ages ago! Five years, to be honest."

"No! The hat stays! I'd rather not go at all than go without the hat!"

"But I need you there for moral support! Be reasonable. It doesn't go with the suit or anything. It's old, stained and childish. I know we're all about fun and adventure, but some things just end. The hat's one of them," said Jake, as he began blabbing about the topic that had been on his mind ever since he made the decision to ask her.

He knew that once he asked her, that he wouldn't be able to go on as many adventures as he once did with Finn. But Finn was still only eighteen, not even in his prime yet, as far as he could tell from human biology. But telling Finn he would start having to alone on adventures alone sometimes would break his little buddy's heart. He wanted to put that moment off for as long as possible.

"No! You know as well as I do that I've had this hat when I was just a baby! It was the only thing I had at that time, except for my diapers, and those don't really count since they're stinky. I had it before I even had a name. I can't just get rid of it for fashion reasons," said Finn, the memory of his abandonment rising to the forethought of his mind.

Jake sighed, and knew that whatever happened now, Finn would still be hurt. He decided to drop the issue for the moment.

"Fine, fine. Just don't say I didn't warn you," said Jake, grabbing his third cup of coffee. He started for the stairs to the bottom floor of the house and front door. He turned back to Finn as he went and said, "Just let me get the mail first, then we can go."

"Alright, I guess," said Finn, shoving the negative thoughts down his mental throat.

Climbing down the ladder, Jake went downstairs to the front door, and retrieved the morning mail and newspaper from the front porch. He was just about to close the door to read the paper in peace when he heard a powerful screech off in the distance.

His eyes now on the sky, the canine watched as an approaching brown patch in the sky rapidly grew bigger and turned out to be the Morrow Bird, Princess Bubblegum's fastest flyer and talented messenger. It appeared to be in an even greater rush than it normally did, given its speedy approach. Jake wondered, briefly, what had put it into such a tizzy when it arrived.

Upon reaching the tree house's front door, the great bird-of-prey beat its mighty wings several times, in order to soften its landing, which kicked up dust and nearly blue Jake and his precious coffee away.

Once it had safely landed, Jake asked the Morrow, "Hey Morrow, what's shaking?" even though it was evident the bird was troubled. It had several feathers bent or out of place, and some empty patches of feathers missing altogether. Its eyes were glazed over, as if from exhaustion, despite its infamous stamina and speed. It even had an arrow sticking in one of its wings, with a small patch of blood flowing from the wound.

To Jake's response, the Morrow unsteadily put forward a talon foot, a red scroll with pink ribbon in its grasp, before painfully screeching again.

"Thanks man. It's the coronation letter, right?" said Jake, taking a sip from his coffee to settle his nerves, which were already feeling a tad jittery. "And hey man, are you okay? Here, come inside. Me and Finn will patch you up and make you feel better again."

The Morrow just shook its head, which caused a few more feathers to fall out of its head. Before Jake could talk to it further, or stop it from hurting itself anymore, the enormous bird screeched one last time before weakly lifting off again and flying away, losing feathers here and there the whole way.

"Yeah…," said Jake uncomfortably, who removed the bow and began to read the message from the Princess. His eyes scrolled back and forth, from left to right, across the page several times. As he read, the cup of coffee in his hand began to tremble. As he continued reading, it got worse, as droplets of coffee formed and flew out of the cup onto the grass, further worsening its mood. Around the later half, entire splashes of the sloshing coffee were spilling from the cup, sometimes landing on Jake's quivering hand. He didn't even notice.

"**FINN**!" shouted Jake, climbing up the ladder to the kitchen once he finished the letter, his coffee and all thoughts of the proposal forgotten, the letter left on the porch steps. He climbed the ladder three steps at a time at such a speed that by the time he got to the room, a worried Finn was on his knees helping his somewhat injured friend up.

"What's up, dude?" said Finn, in a gentle and yet deep voice acquired from years of adventuring and puberty. "What's wrong?"

"Princess Bubblegum! Candy Kingdom! Must! Get! There! **NOW**!" said Jake, as he hurriedly rushed Finn out of his way and started to randomly pull stuff out of their closest like a madman, flinging it over his shoulder blindly, without realizing Finn lay in that direction.

"What? Why?" asked Finn, ducking between words to avoid Jake's unintentional volley of junk. "Is there something happening in the Candy Kingdom? Is PB in trouble?"

"Not time!" shouted Jake, throwing a box of his old eye patch collection overhead. "Just gotta find it, then we have to go!"

"Slow down man! I need to know what's happening so I can help!"

"I'll tell you on the way! Oh man, where did I hide that thing?" said Jake, dread creeping into his already panicked voice. "For now, just get your sword and gear. I'll meet you outside!"

"Jake, why am I going to need-" was as far as Finn got before Jake interrupted with a triumphant "Aha!" Pulling the heavy object from the closest, it turned out to be Jake's old, skull-hilt sword. His newer sword was off being sharpened and polished by a local blacksmith, so Jake would have to rely on this old, rusty thing. It still had an edge to it and its own weight, but it was chipped several places along the blade and had one or two rust spots.

"I'll meet you outside!" repeated Jake, who then rushed as fast as he could with the sword in hand downstairs.

Finn sighed, but did as he was told. He didn't know what was going on, but if it was about the Princess and required battle gear, it couldn't be good. Finn did he best to put his gear on as quickly as possible over his suit, which became more than a little ruffled by the heavy, leathery straps and tools.

"So much for looking nice for the coronation ceremony," Finn thought to himself, before he sheathed his sword across his back, and ran outside as quickly as he was able. Jake was already outside, stretched out to the rough size of a large dinosaur, and looking still looking panicky.

Finn climbed up his friend's stretched out leg and found a seat around his neck. Riding bareback was rarely comfortable, but Jake seemed in no mood to wait for it to be put on, and was besides degrading and made him feel like a lesser being. Gripping one arm around Jake's neck, he waited until he was given the letter by Jake, who then burst into a brisk run to the Candy Kingdom.

Reading the letter, Finn had the same reaction as Jake had, only without the burn wounds to prove it. He experienced curiosity at first, next with mild worry, followed by extreme shock and ending with downright horror at its end. His mouth partially agape, he bent his head down to face Jake's now enormous head.

"Is this thing really true? Where did you get it from?"

"I got it from the Morrow Bird. It was sent specially to us. And I can't tell if it is or not, but the Morrow really looked beat up when it delivered the message. It must have just gotten away."

"We have to get to the Candy Kingdom now!"

"What did I tell yah?"

"Pick up the pace! We have no time to lose!" shouted Finn, as he let go of the paper to fly off behind them, his grip on Jake's neck doubling.

"I know Finn, I know!" said Jake, as he kicked it into high gear. "I just hope we make it there without problems."

"Don't jinx it!" said Finn, as the two disappeared over the hills of the Grasslands , headed to the Candy Kingdom or perhaps elsewhere.

The paper they left behind fluttered wildly in the air as it decelerated, like a leave in a hurricane. When it slowed down to normal speed, it floated down softly to the ground at a casual pace, before it was hit by a small burst of wind and sent spiraling. It soon tumbled into a nearby tree, bare of trees and skeletal in appearance.

Caught on several branches, the letter was hit with another gust of wind and the sickly branches started sticking through the paper, slowly tearing it apart. Before a final windy whip tore the letter apart beyond recognition, it read in stylish, gold inlaid cursive the following message:

"_Greetings and salutations, your royal highnesses! You have been cordially invited to attend the part of all parties, the celebration of the highest order, the greatest event of this or any other century: the 24__th__ birthday/coronation of the Crown Princess of the Candy Kingdom, the home of all that is sweet and pure, Her Royal Highness, Lady Bubblegum!_

_As you may already know, Princess Bubblegum is the sole heir to the late Candy King and Queen's land, property, wealth and miscellaneous resources. After their much unfortunate demise these many years ago, the Princess was charged by the law of her land with its upkeep and official role within the Order of Ooo Royalty till the day of her coronation and subsequent marriage. As of this time, however, the Princess has of yet selected her ideal candidate for the King of Candy._

_Due to this regrettable state of affairs, the Princess is now charged by law to select her future king and ruler of the Candy Kingdom during the event, as to keep with current standards and tradition. As such, any and all members of the official Royalty of Ooo are most welcome to attend the event, wherever and whatever their kingdom may be. Come and join in the great wealth of this delicious occasion._

_Festivities shall occur a week before the Coronation, during which time the Princess shall have her pick of the litter and choose her future husband and king, happening two weeks into the Month of Avril. The Coronation shall take place the Thruesday the 25__th__, 3021, in the Year of the Deranged Badger. It shall take place in the Royal Church of the Candy Kingdom, eighty-four West of the Fire Kingdom, 42 miles south of the Ice Kingdom, bordering East of the Ice Cream Kingdom and Grasslands. Again, anyone of royal blood is welcome, as are any friends, family, and servants of said royalty. As restricted number of citizens, Candy or otherwise, are permitted._

_Come here or miss out on the free grub!"_

However, just below these words was a much shorter, even more troubling message, in wobbly, smeared black ink script that was clearly in Princess Bubblegum's handwriting:

"**Help! Help! Finn! Jake! Dark forces have invaded the Candy Kingdom! I don't know their numbers or purpose, but they've taken all of my guests hostage! No one's reported of casualties yet, but things can only get worse! Come help, quick! Come wi-"**

The message ended there, and among the black speckles of the still wet ink were numerous crimson splotches, which were sticker than regular blood should be and smelled much, much sweeter…


	3. The Tunnel, the Aide, and the Demon

Disclaimer: I do not own Adventure Time with Finn and Jake. I am merely a fan who wishes to further spread the popularity of the series by writing this fanfiction. If any authority, whether governmental or otherwise, chooses to select this story as a case of plagiarism, let it be known it was for nonprofit and that I did not exploit Pen Ward's creation for self-profit.

Adventure Time with Finn and Jake

Episode 0: Of Heroes and Villains

Chapter 2: The Tunnel, the Aide, and the Demon

It was midmorning by the time when the two daring adventurers reached the unguarded border between the Verdant Plains and the Candy Kingdom. As usual, there was no distinction between on where the Candy Kingdom began and the Plains ended, save for the subtle scent of sugar in the area and the eventual disappearance of green grass.

The two stepped on the outskirts of the Candy Kingdom Castle, resting on the tallest hill in the former Taffy Tree Forest, once home to the now extinct Taffy Tree. From there, the Castle was within eyesight so that they may scope out the whole Castle, but still far away enough so that no one could see them and raise alarm. It also gave them enough distance between the enemy so that if anyone dangerous approached they would spot them first and act appropriately.

Finn pulled out his nonscopic binoculars of his green backpack and put them to his face, searching the battlements, turrets and other defensive outer layers of the Castle's walls for suspicious activity. Unaware of the enemy's numbers, Finn had to know the full size of their forces if he intended to go through the front way, if he would have to face just a few thugs or a veritable army. That way he knew what to expect and how to take the enemy on.

However, there didn't seem to be any sign of anyone, hostile enemy or otherwise. Aside from the peculiarity of the drawn up drawbridge and the suspicious absence of the Guardians of the Royal Promise, there was no sign of anyone guarding the outer regions of the Castle. Presumably the Candy Kingdom's Guard had been subdued, leaving their stations unguarded, but Finn was surprised no enemies had taken their place, in case of any outward retaliation of a rescue party. This could either be a good or bad sign, depending on what the situation was inside the castle.

Finn felt a tap on his shoulder. Without looking, he handed his binoculars to Jake's hand, glaring sullenly at the Cotton Candy Forest surrounding nearly all parts of the Castle save its singular front road. Even if there were some invaders hiding in there, there was little hope of spotting them through the Forest's thick foliage. If they even checked in person that would only blow their cover and ruin the element of surprise, if they even had that.

As far as Finn could tell, approaching the Castle quietly and safely was nearly impossible. Just because there was no apparent sings of the foe from their place on the hill,, that was no guarantee that they weren't hiding somewhere in the shadows, just out of sight, ready to spring a heinous trap on innocent passerby adventurers. If any of his eighteen years of adventuring had taught Finn anything, it was that to always be cautious and be aware of his surroundings. An incautious adventurer was a dead adventurer, or perhaps worse depending on the enemy. Sometimes the deadliest foes were those who were standing right In front of you, without you being aware of it. The fact that they wouldn't even be visible until it was too late didn't cheer Finn up the slightest.

Still, none of this forethought did Finn any good. As experienced as he had become at adventuring over the years and the many ways of approaching problems similar to this, this time it was personal and it was getting to him. It was Finn's nature to bust heads in first and ask questions from the senseless half-corpses later. It took all of his strength to just remain rooted to his hillside and not charging head first against the main gates. If he did that, it would only provoke the enemy to attack, perhaps putting the hostages and thus Princess into more danger. If he inadvertently caused her death through his recklessness, Fin would never be able to forgive himself.

Frustrated at his own helplessness, Finn tore some yellow, malnourished grass from the dead ground in small clumps. He turned to Jake, and asked, "Well, do you see anything? Your senses are sharper than mine, so maybe you can-?"

"I can't see anything," said Jake, handing the binoculars to Finn, who moodily stuffed them back in his pack.

"So what do you want to do then," asked Finn, mentally grinding his teeth together in impatience. "We can't just sit here all day."

"Not sure. I'm a big picture guy, not into the small details."  
>"Same here. And I can't be sure I won't make a stupid decision with the princess in danger. Still, we got to make a move and soon. I'll explode if I don't do something about this whole thing."<p>

"Hee hee, what was that you said one time? Oh yeah. 'Let's all be stupid. Forever!' Hee hee, those were good times, good times," said Jake shaking his head in nostalgia.

Finn huffed a little, and said, "Well, things are different now. We're not children forever."

"Says the guy who refuses to stop wearing a hat he's worn more or less for eighteen straight years," said Jake, aware of the box in his back pocket flesh pouch.

Finn clutched his head anxiously. "I said, don't diss the hat!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Because its 'awesome' or whatever else nonsense," said Jake. "So, you wanna charge in or sneak in or what?"

"Hm," said Finn, and thought. '_There just has to be a way to get into the castle without taking the chance of an ambush too much. What to do, what to do?' _

Finn crawled back down the backside of the hill, out of sight so he could stand and stretch. Jake followed close behind. Finn paced for a few moments, but nothing came to mind. Eventually, the heavy strain of thought got to the big hearted but pea-brained adventurer and Finn's mind exploded.

"Gahh! I can't think of anything!" shouted Finn, stamping the ground in his fury. "Let's just sneak in through the forest and stretch over the walls! I can't take this plumming nonsense anymore!"

"Wow, Finn! Language, please!"

"I'll swear however I plumming please!" Finn said, thrusting his foot down repeatedly, unaware of the hollow sounds they were making underfoot.

Jake, however, did notice and said, "Hey Finn, do you hear that strange hollow sound?"

"Argh! Now there's a strange noise! What is with you today man! First it's my hat, now a strange noise! Make up your mind! Aren't you the least bit worried about the Princess!" Finn said, now completely lost in his worry-fueled rage. "What about Lady Rainicorn! How can you possibly think of proposing to her if she's not safe and sound? You've gone bonkers in the head, you know that!"

"Finn, calm down. You're not doing yourself any help acting like this. And I'm serious about that hollow sound," said Jake, privately wondering inside his skull who was really the crazy one here. The ground began to shift slightly under their feet, he noticed, as Finn's foot ignorantly still struck the ground.

"To the Night-o-Sphere with you and your noise! I don't want to hear another word about it!" said Finn, which thankfully he didn't, because it was at that moment that the dying grass beneath both their feet dropped them a foot down in the ground.

The two stared in stunned silence, as the depression they were standing on slowly got deeper, yanking the grass along with them. Strange brown shards began to poke through the grass, like blades of grass themselves.

Truth be told, as is common with ancient castles such as the Candy Kingdom Castle, it wasn't considered unusual for it to contain several secret tunnels to and from the castle in times of emergency, such as during riots, sieges, or visiting in-laws. This depression was caused by one of the hatches of one such secret passageway, its wooden door long buried under the forest floor.

The wooden hatchway door to this tunnel, which had long been forgotten save for the dustiest tome, had been affected by wood rot for many years and was breaking under the strain of Finn's pounding foot. Strangely, despite the damage to the outer door, however, the rest of the passage was otherwise serviceable and quite safe, despite one or two fallen support beams.

It would have made for a handy escape route, had Princess Bubblegum known of its existence. However, all the secrets of the castle were often handed down from parent to child over the years, and the parents of the parents of the former king and queen of the Candy Kingdom's parents hadn't known of the passage, much less told them of it. The irony that their own negligence would have jeopardized the safety of the sole heir to the Candy Kingdom would have made Princess Bubblegum's ancestors turns in their graves in self-shame, if their sugary bodies hadn't been already eaten by sugar ants long ago.

Anyways, all it would have taken to reveal the existence of the hatch to the rest of the world would be a simple push in the right place, like a finger against a mile long trail of dominoes or the rise in global air and water temperatures to melt a world's glaciers to ice cubes. Or like Finn's foot, for example.

The two barely had time to react before the hidden portal broke under centuries of strain and neglect, the fearless adventurers crying like little girls as they fell along with it. The drop was only fifteen feet long, and there was a large pile of unplugged dirt at the foot of the drop to cushion their fall, but to Finn and Jake it seemed to last for hours.

Landing safely if comfortably at the foot of the trail, the two laid on the pile for a moment to catch their breath and let their spirits return to their bodies. The first to rise, Finn rose without checking for any injuries and slide down dirt pile, his eyes focused on the dark tunnel ahead. Though the trail was pitch black ahead, Finn didn't turn his head away for a moment but stared cautiously into the darkness without hesitation. It would have killed him to know that it was without much danger, so it was better off he didn't know that.

"Hey Jake! We should totally take this way! We're sure not to run into anyone in it until at least the very end!" said Finn, a wide, reckless smile crossing his face.

"You sure? It looks kinda ominous," said Jake doubtfully, unaware of just how right he was for the long term. He went over the examine the wood of the hatch they'd broken. It was covered in grass on top and mold on the bottom. There were also strange scratch marks on the bottom, cutting through the moss in an unnatural way, deeply imbedded into the wood. "Besides, doesn't this seem a little to convenient? A sudden hole opens beneath our feet and gives us a safe passage into the Kingdom? Right when we need it most? I don't like it."

"Oh come on, you big baby! This is a _secret passage_! How often do we get the chance to go through one of these babies?' said Finn excitedly.

"Once or twice a week?" Jake examined the support beams closest to him. Some were rotten, hardened black with age, as to be expected. However, other beams seemed to be much brighter in shade, as if the wood was still freshly cut. Yes, something suspicious was definitely going on. Jake just couldn't understand what it was.

"Whatever. My point is that every adventurer dreams of using one of these babies! How can we _not _use it?"

Jake wanted to say that it was clear that this passage had just recently been repaired, in some places quite significantly, but he didn't say anything as Finn wouldn't much listen anyways, not in this mood he was in. Clearly this was some sort of trap, but Jake couldn't understand what it was precisely. Until he had more proof, he'd have to just go with the flow.

"Alright, I'll come. But I still say this is a trap."

"Ha ha, chill out man!" said Finn, slapping the somewhat despondent Jake on the shoulder. "We might still be in some pretty deep boom-boom, but try to look on the bright side! Now we have a secret passage to take!"

Finn placed an arm around Jake's back, to comfort his friend. "And sure, maybe there _are_ some setting a trap for us. But we'll never know unless we try! We'll meet those traps head on, together, as we meet them one at a time. How about it, old pal?"

Jake closed his eyes with a smile. Shaking at his head at his own foolish, sentimental heart, he opened them and said, "Alright, let's do this. Let's do this job right!"

Finn lifted his hand, closed, and said "What time is it?"

Jake too put his closed fist up. As the two connected, they said in unison, "Adventure Time!" before running down into the dark passage, ultimately unaware of the metaphysical significance of the act.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in the Castle of the Candy Kingdom, in a particular room, hidden away from all unwelcome eyes…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The dungeon floor was cold, hard, and wet, as Princess Bubblegum uncomfortably sat against a wall in the further most back cell in the medieval prison, her arms bound flat against a wall, as if she was some sort of iconic religious figure. She kept her eyes firmly fixed on the bar doors of her cell. The ceiling above her dripped cold drops of ice water on top of her head at periodic intervals, causing her to flinch despite the fact that she was soaked to the bone and freezing.

As the kind, compassionate ruler of the Candy Kingdom, Princess Bubblegum saw to it that she kept every part of her castle as neat and sweet as possible. As such, even when it came to the more unpleasant areas of royal government, such as the preservation of the Candy Kingdom dungeons despite their near utter lack of use, they were well maintained and looked after. Before she had been oh so ironically locked away inside her own dungeons by those savage invaders, there hadn't been a leak in the ceiling.

Those savage nimrods had actually _made _the leak. It had taken them over three hours and considerable manipulating of masonry to damage the stones to the point where they dripped from artificial water damage. Men with minds like that, which actively sought to make the lives of people that much more difficult, were the kind to keep an eye on. So despite the fact that she hadn't seen anyone since little past dawn, the Princess kept an eye out for the invaders and thought. It's as if she had much else to do anyways.

Thinking had actually given her some interesting results. One such thought was this: those invaders were _odd_. They didn't act like a normal invading horde. Oh yes, they were quite unpleasant at a distance and had made sure to make the capture of her guests as hostages as unnecessarily violent as possible, but afterwards she didn't see much of them. They were clearly the sort of men who gloated over their victories, however large or small, but almost all of them had been silent around her whenever she was approached by them.

They had intentionally damaged the ceiling above her to make her feel more miserable than before but when that one fellow had come in to give her morning gruel, the young invader had walked in silently, took out a spoon, and quietly spoon-fed her like a child. There was not gloating, no nasty or lecherous looks. He just came in and fed her. He even looked shaken as he did it; he got more than a few bits of oatmeal on her dress as the spoon had shaken in his hand.

Whatever was causing these invaders, the nasty, despicable lot that they were, to be so politely quiet yet terrified in her presence was both curious and worrisome. She had done nothing to deserve it, so what could have caused it? Bubblegum didn't know, but she intended to find out soon.

There had also been no talk of ransom. There had to be some reason they had captured the Candy Kingdom on today of all days, with more than half of Ooo's royalty attending her coronation celebration week. Surely they expected a large sum for such a prize; why else go through the risk of having most of the kingdoms in Ooo send armies after their tails? That Princess Bubblegum couldn't figure out. If there wasn't to be a ransom, then what were the invaders motives?

Unfortunately, her answers came sooner and more harshly than she expected. The squeaky screech of the newly rusted door to the dungeons opened and a pale light from a torch shone through the dungeons and partly into her cell. She didn't know why; it was barely noon yet and the bared windows to the dungeon cells illuminated the place brightly enough to see just fine. Why bother with the torch?

There was the sound of two pairs of feet falls on the rock floor of the dungeon, and of wood striking the rock heavily. '_One's using a cane_,' thought Bubblegum. As they approached, there was the sound of heavy coughing, followed by an expletive so red it gave Bubblegum goose bumps. Soon enough, the pair came to the cell door and understanding dawned on Bubblegum.

The man in the lead was an elderly old man, bent from age and back pain, clearly past his prime. He walked with a short wooden cane and wore a heavy wool sweater, with pink slippers on his feet. Thick white glasses adorned his craggy and liver-spotted face, hiding the man's eyes from sight. White hair came from every part of the man's body, his nose, his ears, his back, just not his head. He was obviously half blind with age and needed the torch to see clearer.

The man pulled out the dungeon keys from a pocket in his bag shorts and fumbled with them a bit. Dropping them, Bubblegum privately wondered why the invaders would possibly allow such an old man work for them as the old man arthritically bent down to pick the keys up. The other one, a tall, buff Mud Troll, held the torch and watched with Bubblegum as the old man picked the keys up again, fumbled for the keys to her cell and dropped them once more.

It was so sad, that Bubblegum began to pity the old man. What happened, however, next would forever tarnish Bubblegum's opinion of old people and think twice before underestimating anyone from all walks of life.

Without a word, the mud troll invader bent down and picked up the keys before the old man could. Silently putting the right key in the lock, the mud troll opened the door and helped the old man get through the doorway. His expression didn't change the slightest while doing this, an emotionless, carefully blank expression, as if the troll had much time to practice holding himself back.

The old man, however, had no qualms with expressing his emotions apparently and slapped away the mud trolls helping hands away, anger pouring out of his ancient, cracked face.

"I don't need your wretched sympathy, you darn dirty troll! I can take care of myself!" the old man said with a passion, in a voice that held no sympathy for anyone but himself. "Now get out of my sight, you horrible, worthless thing!"

The old man then struck the poor troll with his wooden cane, hitting everything from the troll's chest and side to the side of the head and legs. The cane came down in a flurry of blows, far too fast for the troll to defend against much less counter. Fortunately, being a mud troll, the blows merely stuck into his muddy flesh harmlessly, without causing any real physical damage. Still, an expression of fear and panic alight on its wide face, fleeing without a word despite being so much larger and stronger than his weak attacker.

Once the main doors to the dungeon swung shut, as the old man watched the troll flee, he suddenly flipped and turned on his heels, using his cane to aid in his pivot. He stood there now, right before Princess Bubblegum after that awful display of cruelty and a grinned a crooked grin of rotten teeth with his now hateful face.

"I know what you're thinking!" said the old man in a sickly sweet voice. "You think I'm a crusty old man, who doesn't have half a lick of sense of physical strength, whose only power is to bully the weak like that stupid troll, and is a prejudiced bastard to anyone and everyone. Am I right?"

Before Bubblegum could respond, the man burst joyfully out, "That's right, you'd be right! I'm exactly that old man you think I am! Isn't that just the funniest thing? Hee hee hee hee hee! But what you really want to know is, why are you being held up here in this dank old cell of yours?"

"Yes," said Bubblegum, trying to keep her breakfast down from speaking to such a horrible man, "I would like to know that. Also, what are the real motives of you invaders taking my guests hostage? Who are you all and what do you call yourselves? Who do you work for?"

"Ah hee hee!" contemptuously chuckled the old man. "Oh lord, would you listen to them! Kids today, never thinking of their manners! Didn't even ask me my name first before jolting down a while list of questions to me! How very rude! And do you know what happens to rude children, particularly to rude little half-breed girls, filth child?"

Bubblegum shook her head furiously and said, "I'm sorry, that was rude of me? I apologize for my action. Would you please tell me your name, good sir?"

"Hee hee hee! The name is Matthias, thank you for asking," said Matthias the old man. "I'm the primary assistant to the leader of these vagabond misfits my Lord has picked up. As for the rest of the questions, you can forget them for the time being; I won't answer them. In fact, you didn't answer _my_ question. What happens to rude children, pray tell?"

Bubblegum thought it best to play along for the moment, though in truth Matthias was beginning to make her dreadfully nervous. It was as if pure, sick malevolence dripped through his every pore in his disgusting face. With a slight tremor in her voice, Bubblegum asked "I don't know, Mr. Matthias. What happens to rude children?

"They get punished!" said Matthias gleefully, who then stomped on Bubblegum's ankle, causing the Princess to shout in pain. The attempt of force wasn't all that painful, it hardly did much damage, but the attacks suddenness scared her more than anything else. Never in her life had Bubblegum been seriously struck by someone who hadn't done so for her own good, such as when her body was possessed by the Lich or when her mother would discipline her for breaking into the cookie person jar before dinner. To have it done now by this rancid near-stranger came as a shock to her, and frightened her more than anything she'd known before.

"Hee hee hee," Matthias chuckled; ignoring Princess Bubblegum's shocked expression. "Now, does the parasite-infested rat have anything else to ask? No? Good, because I don't want to listen to your dirty subhuman mouth anyways! As it is, I need to tell you what next to do."

"You see," said Matthias, as he turned on his heels and began to casually stroll around the small cell, acting as if they were having a simple conversation and not a torturous exchange of demands. "We are in need of the cooperation of your every action from here on out. You shall do whatever it is we say, unless you want your precious guests to go home without any faces. That means you'll say yes and no whenever we tell you to, and no back talk. Got it?"

"But-" said Bubblegum, before she was brutally kicked in the stomach and set reeling by the unsurprisingly furious Matthias.

"Got it!" he roared, spittle from his cancerous mouth hitting the Princess in the face.

"Y-yes, sir" choked Princess Bubblegum, as she struggled and failed to keep her already unpleasant breakfast down, which incidentally looked better coming back up than it did when it first went down. Bubblegum's stomach contents splattered all over her dress, staining it thoroughly, and despite her personal feelings at her accident, actually found the warm half-digested fluid welcoming after being soaked by the above artificial leak.

Matthias' nostrils flared with a combination of disgust and anger, but said only, "Good, good. Then for now, you'll be in need of a change of clothes. Your current job, aside from following our every order, is to keep the young Master entertained. I'm to lead you to your chambers so you may change out into something more to the young Master's tastes. You'd better look good in black leather."

Pulling a clear syringe with pale white fluid inside it from a pocket in his wool jacket, Matthias took a clean wipe from his pocket and disinfected the syringe. He then flicked the needle tip three times and agonizingly bent over to the Princess, taking the wipe to her upper right arm and also cleaning it down. Sticking the needle into Bubblegum's right arm before she was even ready for it, Bubblegum flinched in pain and fear.

"W-what was in that syringe?" quavered Bubblegum, as Matthias got to work unbinding her to the cell wall. He went at a dreadfully slow pace, as he fought with his aged, blue-veined hands to undo the clasps. He squeezed her right shoulder and glared at her. _Right_, she thought. _No talking back._

Eventually, the first clasp came off and Bubblegum slid her arm out of the binding, looking down at her aching limb as Matthias went to unbinding the other arm. She noticed a faint difference in the skin color around the injection and her ordinary skin color; the area was slowly turning paler, to a soft shade of white while still holding in a deep shade of pink beneath the skin. The color reminded her of Finn's skin color, and wondered what it meant.

When the second and last restraint came off, Bubblegum didn't bother with struggling. Struggling was for those who thought they had a present chance at escape, but Bubblegum was presently without much hope. Save the slim chance that Finn and Jake would save the kingdom, there was little chance that these invaders would be defeated before they decided to slaughter their new hostages first.

Even if an army of Ooo's combined forces came to rescue the captured royals, the hostages would be all killed once the armed forces came within sight. But that was the mindset of the men who were employed by Ooo's government, who would rather rush in with their swords and shields shining brightly than come up with a better plan. If the king was captured, rescuing him with the flashiest, most overwhelming way possible was the only way to approach the problem. Sadly, much of the royals agreed to this sort of thinking as well; only a small minority thought with something other than their muscles.

Finn and Jake were too like that, the lovable pair, but at least they had some practice in subterfuge. With their smaller sizes, they could sneak in undetected, as long as they did the job correctly. It was theoretically possible; now if only their lack of numbers didn't lower the chances of winning. At least they had the element of surprise on their hands.

Wordlessly led out of her cell without resistance, Princess Bubblegum thought to herself, '_Please, Finn, Jake. Be careful. Save and protect everyone. We need you. And please, don't do anything too stupid or dangerous."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Several floors directly below the Princess Bubblegum…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I should have known," said Jake hopelessly, as he struggled to hold up the collapsing roof of the passageway as Finn frantically tunneled through the wall of dirt that had collapsed in front of them. The majority of the passageway had been as safe as could be; it was only when they had gotten just around the end that the ceiling had suddenly began to cave in on them. Unlike the rest of the tunnel, there was no sign of any fresh wood, and Jake could swear that there had been a brief small flash of light from a tripwire that Finn's leg had tripped before everything fell apart. "Next time Finn, let's just go through the front door."

"Shut up already!" said Finn, who had run out patience with Jake's depressed mood. He shoveled handfuls of dirt between his legs frantically, as bits of dirt and dust fell all around them. "I know I messed up! But complaining about it won't solve anything! Just hold that thing up for a little while longer."

"Easy for you to say. You're not the one holding it up."

"Hey, I can see the other side! There's a light!" exclaimed Finn, as he shoveled out one last handful of dirt and broke through the other side of the pile blocking their way. Quickly, before more dirt fell down to fill in the gap he'd made, Finn jumped head first and crawled through the pile. Jake, stretching his head through first, followed behind and like a rubber band stretched too far out let the rest of his body snap back into its usual shape.

The ceiling, which Jake's body had just barely holding up, caved in almost instantly, dumping several tons of dirt and rock where the two adventurers had just been. A cloud of dust shot through the hole and hit the two, but nothing else seemed to be fall and crush them to death. Thankfully, there didn't seem to be any more damage to this part of the tunnels ceiling. Signs of fresher wood shaping the tunnel returned.

Patting themselves down from all the dirt collected on their respective bodies, Finn and Jake got back to finishing the tunnel. In fact, as the two got closer to it, a light began to shine at the end of the tunnel. As they approached the opposite wall of the tunnel, they noticed that a ladder had been bolted into the rocky way, leading to surface. Faint light shone down onto them in shards from the cracks of some stone which hid the tunnel from sight. Climbing the ladder and lifting the stone above their heads, the two glanced out to determine where they had come out.

From the looks of it, they were now in the Castle's Jelly Horse stalls. The stench of wet straw and horse dung hung thick in the air, the horses all bound in their stalls with their muzzles strapped on, presumably to keep them in their place by the invaders.

Not a soul was in sight, and aside from the occasional stamping of the horses' hooves and faint attempts of whinnying as they recognized Finn and Jake, there was a deathly silence in the air. Usually, the air was abuzz with the warm talk and happy laughter of the citizens of the Candy Kingdom, even here in the smelly yet well-cared for stalls. Now without it, the place felt cold and without life.

"I don't like this Finn," said Jake, as the two climbed out of the hole and went through one of the backdoors to the Castle. They walked down a few dark corridors, which lead to some of the less glamorous parts of the castle, void of any windows, before coming to a tall, lengthy staircase. "The place is too quiet."

"I know what you mean. It's as if no one lives here anymore," said Finn as they began their ascent.

"Do you think… at Lady is… okay?" asked Jake, a beam of light from the stairs tall, empty windows struck his downcast face.

"Sure she is! Why, I bet she's in one of the Castle's towers right now, just waiting for her you, her Prince Charming to rescue her!" said Finn cheerfully, though in his own anxieties sunk into this words like poisoned honey. He wouldn't relax until the Princess was in his arms again.

"Really, you think so?" said Jake uncertainly, who was too distracted with his own thoughts to hear the desperate feeling behind Finn's forcefully bright words.

"Heck yeah! And when you rescue her, you can give her a great big hug and maybe a smooch!"

"Hee hee, yeah, that'd be nice."

"Then maybe you could give her that present in your back pouch as well! It would be the perfect moment for it! What does it look like anyways?"

"O-oh, it's nothing too special," said Jake, his soul getting heavier by the second.

"Come on, it has be really awesome! It was a fifth of your treasure stash! It can't be something too small or shoddy," said Finn, who tried to casually reach back into Jake's pouch without arousing his pal's concern.

Jake was faster and pulled the box from the pouch, holding it in two hands. "Now way, you'll spoil the surprise if Lady isn't the first to see it! You know how bad you are with secrets already. I'm surprised you haven't blabbed the proposal already!"

"Like you're much better!' said Finn, who playfully tried to wrestle it from Jake's hands. "Come one, just one little peek!"

"No! It's for Lady's eyes and her eyes only!" said Jake, fighting off Finn's grubby little hands. In the end, he resorted to stretching his arms to keep the box out of Finn's reach. Even then, Finn tried to climb up extended arms. "Shouldn't we get back to saving her first anyways?"

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Party boom-boomer," said the disappointed Finn. He wondered exactly why Jake had become so much more serious ever since got the ring for Lady Rainicorn. Before he had bought that thing, Jake had never been one to be so hesitant to take risks, like back on the hill, or to become depressed so quickly, as in the tunnel. But with that ring, Jake was becoming less adventurous by the day.

Finn, In short, was worried. He respected his friend and supported his decision one hundred and ten percent regardless of his present attitude, but where had that same fun-loving friend gone to and why was he replaced with this far grimmer imposter? Finn wasn't one to look to the future that much, but he was beginning to wonder how much longer things would last like this. If Jake remained like this forever, then all the thrill of adventuring would be lost; it would never be the same again. Sure, he Finn would continue helping the people of Ooo however he could, but it wouldn't feel quite as satisfying without his best bud by his side.

Reaching the top of the stairs, Finn and Jake came to the main body of the Castle itself, where the windows were much higher, brighter and made of carefully blown glass and lacquered wood instead of the iron-wrought and stone windows that could be seen in the less impressive parts. A red silk carpet woven with candy theme images extended for miles ahead of them throughout the whole castle, the hallways held up on both sides by immense candy cane marble pillars. Between these pillars every twenty feet or so was either a brilliantly shiny suit of candy army or elegantly carved statue or beautifully painting. Fancy banners of all colors of the rainbow and crystal chandeliers hung from the highly decorated ceilings. Apparently it had been only decked out even more for the coronation, and everything shone with a fresh polish and coat of paint.

It was the part of the Castle which Finn was more familiar with, even if it's high class and super fine atmosphere always made him feel out of place, as if he should be a better person before even thinking of casting his dirty gaze on such magnificence.

Truth be told, that was the impression that Princess Bubblegum's castle designers had gone for. Every part of the castle that the visiting nobility were expected to see had the sole purpose of subtly telling the smaller, weaker kingdoms that, _yes, we have enough money to flash in your snooty faces to make every last corner of this place this richly. Yes, we even have more than enough money to host the best damn part of the century. _To the equally large kingdoms it was simply meant to convey a feeling of equality, while to the biggest and strongest kingdoms of Ooo it sought to hopefully impress or at least satisfy their far richer guests.

Princess Bubblegum had spared no small expense to convey this message. It was simply one part of the many aspects of social government in Ooo, and though she would have rather spent the money on stuff more relevant to her own interests, such as new beakers and test tubes for her lab, it was necessary in the long run. Better to show what you got than look weak before the other kingdoms.

Finn and Jake walked down a few of these halls like this, which seemed to look down on them with rich disgust, sticking close to the finely crafted walls and away from the glorious windows, lest any passing invader spotted them. It was around the fifth corridor that they heard the voices.

"Hurry the Night-o-Sphere up, lazy old Straw Man!" shouted a loud, gruff male voice. There was a squeaky sound that echoed throughout the hallway, followed by a soft thud. The squeaky sound reached a higher pitch for a moment, before dropping down to its normal rate, as if whatever was making it had been hit and speed up from the force.

"I-I am, sir. But my arms are awfully tired from pushing myself around the whole kingdom all in as short amount of time," said a much softer, kinder voice. It took an imploring tone to it. "If it wouldn't be too much trouble, would you be so kind…?"

"What, push your chair? Stupid cripple! Why the Night-o-Sphere should I? Get back to pushing!" said the gruff, cruel voice, which Finn had quickly grown to despise. He and Jake came to the corner of the hallway and looked around the corner as secretly as possible.

It was Mr. Kuebiko, the elderly disabled scarecrow librarian who maintained the Candy Kingdom Castle's Library, one of the sole Candy Kingdom citizen who wasn't a Candy Person, and a tall, broad man in a black duster coat, holding a black pole sort of weapon in his hand, a likely invader. The man in duster coat seemed to try to get Mr. Kuebiko to the end of the hallway they were just entering, where the massive doors of the Library stood.

Finn didn't even stop to consider why this was the case before he stepped out into the hallway, as he saw the man in the duster lift the pole up to strike Mr. Kuebiko in his anger.

"Stop that!" shouted Finn. The man's head stopped mid-swing, and slowly turned to face Finn; Mr. Kuebiko strained to twist his head around to do the same. "Stop hurting Mr. Kuebiko! He doesn't deserve it!"

"Who the Night-o-Sphere are you two?" asked the duster coat man, brandishing the pole down to the floor, revealing it to be a long, sharp trident. He spat to the ground as Jake came to be by Finn's side, sniffing the air like a dog. "Are you human or something? You smell like one."

"Whoa Finn, do you smell that?" said Jake, as wrinkled his nose at the stench that filled the whole corridor. He also noticed the two stubs jolting out man's forehead and what could be described as a spaded tail swishing back and forth behind the man's back. "That guy smells wicked bad, like he's been bathing in charcoal pit."

"Yeah, I smell it too. I'm thinking he's a demon of some kind," said Finn, who also noticed the horn and tail, not to mention the man's unusually long teeth and sharp black nails.

A vein throbbed in the demon's forehead, as he harshly shouted, "Hey punks! You two ignoring my or something?"

"Operation: Flying Circus?" asked Jake, taking a stance and enlarging his arms to buff meat cakes.

"Oh yeah!" whispered Finn, drawing his sword and taking a similar battle stance.

"What the plum?" said the demon. Mr. Kuebiko, noticing the demon's distracted expression, quickly pedaled away and found a relatively safe corner in the hallway. He had seen the results of "Flying Circus" once before, and he didn't need to think too hard to realize he'd only be in the way. This would not be pretty.

Finn charged head on with his sword at the ready, sounding his classic battle cry, which had actually grown somewhat impressive after years of puberty. He swung his sword purposefully wildly to the right, which the demon easily parried with a wave of his trident. Finn gave several more blunt slashes, all of which the demon blocked without much concern. Still, the demon was forced backwards, already on defense from the ferocity of Finn's attacks, confused and distracted as he was meant to be.

It was only luck that the demon glanced to the left and right and saw Jake's giant fists flying straight toward him. The demon somersaulted backward with an admittedly impressive jump, as the fists meet each other.

Already the plan had a hitch in it, but that was to expected; no two battles were ever the exact same. Finn pressed ahead with the attack and took several stabbing thrusts at the demon, who shifted left and right after landing expertly on his feet.

"No time for any names, or identities, or names?" asked the demon, whose language and temper improved immediately as the fight started, as he easily dodged attack after attack. "You two really know how to approach a fight. Pushing me to defense right from the start. You're not too bad, even when you're not even really trying to hit me."

The demon lurched backward hastily, as Jake stretched and enlarged his head forward, having slipped past Finn and taken out a bone-crushing chomp at the air where the demon had just been. Jake took several more bites, time and again barely missing the demon.

"Fine. Code name's 'Infant.' Demon of Wrath, Second Class," said Infant, as he took a right-hook punch at Jake's overstretched head, sending the poor dog recoiling against the hallway wall with devastating force. He gritted teeth as he spoke, as if hating to admit that was really his code name. "Real name, undisclosed."

'Infant' side-stepped to the left, as Finn what would have been a fatal stab wound to the back, as the young adult thrust his sword two-handedly. Infant didn't even know how the boy had gotten behind him so quickly and snarled as the blade instead tore through the coattail of his favorite coat. He swung his trident in a waist level rightward arc but Finn simply ducked from the blow, before rolling out of the way of Infant's following downward stab strike.

Jake, largely recovered, lunged head-first at Infant who simply jumped over the giant dog with inhuman leg strength. Jake continued flying but stopped himself before his head hit the fall face first. Pushing off the wall, he made another pass at the now airborne Infant, who quickly swung his trident upwards and caught Jake in the jaw with an uppercut blow.

Landing on his hands and feet with unnatural grace, Infant lifted his trident up and caught Finn's sword thrust between one of the gaps between his trident's prongs. The demon felt himself pushed back from the human's surprising strength, but held his ground, thinking, '_These guys are tough_.'

Glaring at Finn with a passion that equaled Finn's own eyes, Infant snarled and said, "And let me guess. You're two big-shot heroes come to save the hostages, right?"

They broke away from their entwined weapons on the same instant. Infant made a singlehanded left swipe at Finn's head as Finn took a right, downward slash. Both blows connected, causing Finn to stumble and lose his balance, but stay on his feet if barely; Infant took a few steps back, as he clutched at the bleeding wound. Red droplets spilled to the floor, as the cut bleed freely and painfully in gushes.

"No, we're just adventurers," said Finn, clutching his ringing head. Infant said something too low to hear properly, no doubt a profanity of some kind. The two tried to ignore the quickened throbbing of both their hearts and struggled to get on defense. It was hard holding their weapons now, but they redoubled their grips.

Infant jumped backwards as the concussed Finn blearily made for another slash, catching the upper parts of the hallway wall to his back with unholy grip, dropping his trident in the process. However, quick as he was to avoid Finn's pitiful attack, the demon forgot about Jake and found it was too late to dodge as he noticed Jake stretching up towards him with an enlarged punching fist.

The blow hit him full on, carrying him up to the ceiling where he was rammed against delightfully decorated surface, leaving a crater. This blow was followed by a succession of similar blows, each further driving Infant into the ceiling, the crater growing with each passing attack.

When Jake was finished, Infant was left bloody and stunned. He stuck to the ceiling for a few moments, held up by the viscosity of his own blood and the slight grip the wall had on him after being half driven through it like a nail to a hammer. However, gravity soon overcame both and the demon was pulled back down to the ground, half senseless and unaware of his fall.

He was caught halfway down by Jake's massively changed feet, which speed up his descent. Upon the impact, the feet crushed him to the floor, leaving a further deeper crater in the ground and the demon buried under the massive appendages, the pain driving him momentarily unconscious.

Shrinking his foot back down to normal size, Jake inspected his grim deed. Blood poured out of the demon's nose, mouth, and left eye, not forgetting Finn's own cut. A few of his teeth had been chipped or fallen out completely. His eyes were rolled to the back of his head, leaving only the whites visible. His clothes were stained with blood and dirt, torn in several places. All in all, an unpleasant job done well. Jake clutched at his fists, which were bloodied from both the demon's and his own blood. They burned from pain, and Jake remembered it was said by some that a demon's blood has the same acidity as sulfuric acid. He'd have to wash his hands off as soon as possible.

Finn groaned and picked himself up. He walked over to Jake. He examined his buds handiwork, still holding his head in pain. It felt as if it would never stop hurting. He privately wished he'd die right and there, and unfortunately this didn't occur.

"Nice job," said Finn, wincing from the effect of moving his jaw to speak. "But you sure you didn't go overboard? He may have been a slippery and violent jerk, but this seems harsh."

"Yeah," said Jake, frowning at the thought of his own brutality. "But it was necessary. Remember that ice demon we fought back a few months ago? We took things like we always do and we just barely made it out alive. With demons, it's best to be quick and heavy-hand, without mercy."

"True, true," said Finn uncomfortably, as they both walked over to Mr. Kuebiko. "Still, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth."

'Same here," said Jake. Raising his voice, he called out to Mr. Kuebiko. "Hey, Mr. Librarian! You okay?"

"Oh, I'm more than fine, thank you for asking. Oh, but please don't yell. It makes me awfully nervous," said the elderly scarecrow, waving away their concerns with a straw-filled glove hand. "I'm more concerned about you two. You're not hurt, are you? I know you got hit hard in the head Finn. And Jake, your hands must be hurting so much! The strength of a second-class demon is no joke, especially if they're as nasty as that one."

"Nah, I'm fine," lied Finn. "Just give me a few moments and I'll be as good as new."

"Well, do you have any sinks or taps in the Library for me?" asked Jake, as he tried to keep his hands from trembling.

"We have a sanitation station, but water isn't the best way to treat that wound. Best if we give you some ice or maybe a base on it."

"That sounds nice," said Jake.

"Now!" said Mr. Kuebiko, clapping his hands together cheerfully. "Enough talk of that dreadful experience! I suggest we swiftly head for the Library so we can talk of your surely brilliant plan to save the kingdom!"

"Brillant…" said Finn, as he pushed the scarecrows' wheelchair to the Library.

"Plan?" said Jake uncertainly.

"Certainly! It'll take more than scuffles like that one just now to take down this den of vipers! Some of them are pretty smart."

Jake and Finn froze on the inside. Plan? Beyond the simple concept of sneaking into the kingdom and taking out the enemy down as they encountered them, while hopefully avoiding the main forces until they defeated their leader at which point the majority would classically fall on their knees, they had no real plan. Plans were for those with more than empty space between their ears, which these two largely possessed.

"Ah-hee, hee, hee. Yeah, the plan," said Jake nervously.

"Yeah, the Plan. Our Master, 'No-Way-To-Fail-Plan'," said Finn. "That plan."

"Yep. The 'Save-The-Candy-Kingdom-From-Certain-Doom' plan."

The two both laughed nervously for a while before trailing off into an empty silence. Mr. Kuebiko, who was hard of hearing and anyways found it difficult to read situations and faces of people, was quite oblivious to the now uncomfortable atmosphere. He was quite impressed by the sounds of this plan and wanted to hear more of it.

"Oh, I like the sounds of this plan! It sure sounds terrific! Oh, but would you mind picking up the pace, please Finn?" said Mr. Kuebiko, anxiously patting the arms of his chair.

"Sure, but why the rush?" said the mortified Finn, looking at a none too distant future filled with blades and knives, and where the only light at the end of the tunnel was a flamethrower alight.

"Yeah. I don't hear anyone approaching," said Jake, gripping his agonizingly painful wrist.

"Well, we want to get to the Library before that mean demon-man wakes up. The Library has enough magical seals on it to keep us safe indefinitely, but out here we're exposed. If we take too long and he wakes up, he'll slaughter us like pigs."

"Ha ha," said Finn, trying to lighten up the mood. "Didn't you see Jake pummel that dumb butt bloody? We won't need to worry about him any time soon."

"Yeah, we sure messed him up bad!" said Jake, who despite himself posed his bloody fists dramatically.

"Oh, but you don't understand!" said Mr. Kuebiko fervently. "You got lucky this time. You caught him off guard in his weakest, smallest size, defeating him by sheer luck! If you saw him at so much as his half full power, you two wouldn't stand a chance unprepared as you are! You wouldn't be standing up right much less laughing."

"Oh yeah, how bad can he be?" asked Jake.

"He destroyed the two Guardians of the Royal Promise at half strength as if they were mere puppy dogs! Did you notice that they were gone?"

"Yeah, but we still defeated him, right?" said Jake, a tad worried now. "He's bloody and unconscious and everything."

"Believe me you two, that demon won't take this lying down. He'd get back up despite his injuries, even without that that amazingly fast healing rate of his. By just using his flames, he can recover most of his nonfatal injuries with terrible ease! He'd fight until he was literally at death's door. Don't underestimate him!"

"N-now that you mention it, isn't it getting a little warm in here," asked Finn, wiping a dew of sweat from his forehead.

"Y-you're right Finn. I do feel awfully hot," said Jake, his tongue lolled out in his mouth panting and drooling. Their tones had taken on the shade used by those who know that, regardless of the massive defeat they'd just handed the enemy, that when they turned around there they would be, ready and swinging for more. It caused a level of terror only felt during scary movies or when there's a red plus sign when one desperately prays for a blue negative sign.

Nevertheless, the two turned their heads to the fallen form of Infant. It was as still and silent as before, but now intense waves of heat were pouring out of it, enough so that the air wavered from the magnitude of the building anger.

"You don't think…" said Jake.

"You know it, Jake," said Finn.

It was then that Infant's body erupted in a great fireball of green flame, without apparently harming the demon at all. In fact, all of the wounds dealt to him seemed to be burned off; all damage was healed, leaving only the tears in his clothes as signs that he'd had his own ass handed to him. The demon's body began to move, the hands and arms twitching and stretching, as it readied to rise and fight anew.

"Mr. Kuebiko," said Finn, his voice only trembling slightly, sweat running down his face in streams.

"Yes, Finn?"

"Just how good are those seals you mentioned?"

"They're strong enough to withstand another Mushroom War. That library is meant to contain not only this Kingdom's history but at least half of Ooo's as well. Aside from the Grand Library to the west, it's considered the largest and most acknowledged reservoir of all of the knowledge in Ooo. It's a priceless place, which we would be nothing without. It could certainly withstand against the force of a single demon."

"Good. Jake?"

"Yeah Finn?" asked Jake emotionlessly, watching the demon get up to its knees, its eyes to theirs with a glare that pierced their very souls.

"What time is it?"

"Run-For-Our-Lives Time?"

"Night-o-Sphere yes. Run!" said Finn, as the two ran to the Library at a dead run.

Behind them, Infant opened his mouth and a small but intense ball of red flame formed at the opening. Slowly but surely, as the two continued to run, Finn pushing Mr. Kuebiko with as much force as he could muster, the fireball began to grow in size and change in color. It flashed from red, orange and yellow to green, blue and finally violet. By the time they reached the Library door and yanked the massive doors desperately open, it was the size of a large beach ball.

Raw hatred in his eyes, Infant took in a deep breath that would have caused a regular pair of human lungs to rupture, inhaling the fireball into his mouth. He paused for a few seconds, as he readied himself. He then let the flame burst from his mouth, flooding the entire hallway with a vengeance.

Finn and Jake has just about closed the door behind them when the pillar of flame struck the door, forcing it shut with a mighty slam. Unfortunately for Infant, true to Kuebiko's word, the magical seals protected the Library and were left without so much as a scorch mark after the flames finally dissipated.

Infant knew without much thought that there was no other way into the Library that he could go through. After that little firework display, the magical seals of the Library would recognize his brand of magic and keep him from entering. Unless he had that Librarian's consent, he wouldn't be able to enter without risking his immortal unlife.

Infant breathed heavily out, smoke pouring out with a rancid odor. He reached into his jacket and found what he was looking for one of its many pockets. Pulling out a cigar, Infant snapped his fingers and a bright green flame burst from it. Putting the cigar in his mouth and lighting it, Infant sucked at it a few times before letting the more natural smoke blow out his nostrils.

Well this was unfortunate. Thing were still on track, yes, but it would have been preferable anyways that he could have gotten _that_ thing from the Library. The only other of its kind was hidden elsewhere in the Castle, beyond his demonic senses. Infant doubted he could persuade any of the three to open the door for him; he had never been all that good with transformation spells, illusions, or other demonic tricks. He didn't have the Boss' silver tongue either.

Infant shook his head regretfully. Oh well. _One can't always get what one wants in life_, he guessed.

"The Punk Boss is going to tan my hide," said Infant to himself wearily, as he collected his trident and left through a nearby passage way that lead to the main royal chamber hall. He could have really go for a bite of some Candy Person right about now, but Infant knew the Boss would never approve. He left the once beautiful, now destroyed hallway in the wake of his destruction without a second glance and wondered what he'd have for lunch. _Some rice pilaf, or sushi? Eh, whatever._


End file.
